Resilience is a Mindset

I remember the day when my mother passed; it was her birthday, she was turning 67, I was 37, unmarried with no children. My life was very different. I was busy, adventurous, and traveling wherever my spirit moved me! My job was very different from who I am today, and if you were to look at who I am as a person, I would say I have grown in ways I never thought possible. So when I say that resilience is something we choose and can cultivate, I have done it. I now know that it was a conscious choice, but at the time, I thought it was just what I had to do! Let me explain.

As an only child, I never thought about being alone; it was just something I was used to physically. But emotionally, I was never alone, I had an incredible childhood, friends, cousins, fun, and I think I was mostly happy! At least, that is how I choose to describe it. See what I did there? I focused on the good, the happy, and the content version of me! That is a characteristic of resilience.

When my mom passed, we were on the phone doing the Happy Birthday thing when because I Lived in NJ and my parents in Florida! I had just seen my parents at Christmas: it was March of 2004, how could this happen? What was going on with her health that I did not know? It turns out so much, but that’s not the critical part of this motivational mindset work I want to share.

There are two choices when something bad, harmful, hurtful, or plain sucky happens to us. We repeat that same story over and over, causing a cascade of hormones, chemicals, and negative thinking, or CHOOSE to create the story you want to tell!  Making the choice is your resilience.  

Below, you’ll find tips to help you change your story, feel better about your past and encourage yourself to live with more resilience in the future.

Resilience: The Power Of The Stories You Tell Yourself

It’s essential to be aware of the power of the stories we’re telling ourselves. These stories manifest our reality.

As Gandhi once said: “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”

Here is a hypothetical example:  Ben and Ryan are identical twins.

Ben tells himself a story that he’s incredibly handsome and talented and deserves to date, beautiful women. When he sees an attractive woman at a party, he won’t hesitate to talk to her with full charisma and charm. He’ll ask her out with complete confidence that she’ll say yes. And she usually will because charisma and self-confidence is incredibly attractive.

Ryan tells himself a story that he’s unattractive. When he sees a woman at a party, it maybe doesn’t even enter his mind to talk to her because he doesn’t consider there’s a chance she’ll like him. If he does find the courage to introduce himself, he’s hesitant and nervous about being rejected. These nerves make women less likely to warm to him.

Others’ Stories Become Our Own

So, how do two people – even family members growing up in the same household – end up with entirely different stories about themselves?

The main reason is that – as children especially – we are incredibly susceptible to believing other people’s stories about us.

We are like plasticine, molded by parents, teachers, and other significant figures in our life. A great start is knowing that the bad stories you tell yourself were initially said to you by someone else. We barely knew a thing about the world in our early years. So, we soak up other people’s stories like a sponge. Once you’ve realized that, you’ll hopefully realize you can control your self-narrative.

Resilience: Tell Yourself A Different Story 

Gandhi’s quote encourages people to change their beliefs, thoughts, and words, which will help you transform your actions, habits, and values.

Many successful people believe in this strategy. They manifest the life they want by focusing on what they want. That’s why you’ll see so many of them recommending affirmations, mood boards, the law of attraction, future-self journaling, meditations, and more.

I’d recommend all of these practices to help you start telling yourself a different story. But if it doesn’t work for you, it’s ok; these skills can be improved and cultivated with some self-study, working with a coach, or deciding you want to do better with your self-narrative! After becoming a coach, I realized I was already creating these things for myself; it came more naturally.

Resilience: Surround Yourself With Positive People

Even in adulthood, you better believe other people are trying to contribute to the story you tell yourself about the world and your place in it.

And you have to be strong to resist the voices of your friends and family. You are at the mercy of your environment.

That’s why Jim Rohn said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

With this in mind, you’re best off surrounding yourself with positive people who support you and have enthusiasm for life. Create a new and improved environment with enthusiastic successful people who believe in themselves, and their energy will rub off on you.

Read and Listen to Life-Changing Stories

That famous Jim Rohn quote only appears to cover people you physically spend time with.

However, the voices we hear or read in the media can also influence us. So, it’s worth taking care of what media we consume. #digitaldetox

How about you read the autobiographies of successful people you admire? Most likely, you’ll discover that they had struggles they had to overcome, just as you do. If they can do it, why not you?

You Get to Decide The Meaning Of Your Life 

One of the truly mind-boggling things about life is that no one truly knows what we’re supposed to do with it. The meaning of life is down to our interpretation.

There are plenty of people out there ready to preach that everyone should follow a specific path in life, whether our parents, religious figures, coaches, or influencers with huge followings on social media. But most of us are too scared to make that decision. Instead, we seek the answers from someone else.

But when we let other people decide what the right and wrong journey is, they essentially become the narrator for our story.

Let’s use an example of a 55-year-old female entrepreneur who manages to create a seven-figure business from scratch but never had children.

She’s a roaring success under some people’s narratives and can die happy. But what about the people whose narrative says that a woman’s role in society is to be a mother.

If she listens to this narrative, she could live the rest of her life in misery – either because she had children instead of launching her dream business or because she followed her dreams but is still influenced by others telling her the best way to live her life.    Here’s a little further reading on resilience in midlife. 

There is no one CORRECT way to live your life. Once you realize this, it becomes easier to alter your story to suit what you want to do. 

Standing in your own created story of happiness and fulfillment no matter what others say is truly the gift of a life well-lived. Imagine who that person is, what would they do moment by moment, how would they talk about themselves, value their time, give to others, sleep, meditate, move and be in the world? We need to be the best version of ourselves to do this with confidence and focus.

What if you could achieve better health with a flip of the emotional switch of the stories we tell ourselves?

Let’s talk about what that would mean for you! Connect with me here!

Much Love Suzanne