Clean up the Relationship Residue Keeping You Stuck

How many times have you thought, or said to yourself, “my life is a mess?”  And how many times has that question referred to the romance and relationship part of your life? I’m guessing that if you are reading this now, the answer is a lot. I’ and I bet all that mess is weighing you down. But when it comes to cleaning up your love life, just where does one begin?

What’s Got You Stuck?

Relationship residue is a part of the clingy, personal clutter that is taking up space in your head and heart and limiting your happiness when it comes to love and your relationships.  It’s that invisible, shape-shifting emotional clutter that presents itself as regret, anger,  fear, self-doubt, people-pleasing, unworthiness, and more. And just like the dust bunnies in the corner, it multiplies and morphs into negative behavior and unproductive expectations about love–the death knells for attracting and maintaining a fulfilling and sustaining relationship.


Tackle the Residue

Not cleaning up this relationship residue, and hoping it will all go away, is like waiting for the magical merry maids to come to tidy your dresser drawers, It just ain’t gonna happen.

By not tackling the clutter, you will never know just how much love your heart can hold. This residue clogs the flow and keeps you from being able to receive love. And the truth is, if you can’t receive it, you can’t freely give it. Making space for love opens you up to recognizing and accepting all the love around and available to you.

To quote the angels, “You do not lack love.  You lack the vision to recognize it.”


Where to Begin

The place to start to clear and wash away the residue is with you. Depending on how you approach it, cleaning up stubborn relationship residue can be a difficult and messy process.  Often we have a tendency to brush the clutter that clings–fear, guilt, regret, betrayal, and the like–into the corners of our hearts, hoping that nobody will notice.

It’s also a delicate process that can’t be quickly scrubbed and tossed. It requires gentle understanding, compassion, and kindness toward yourself, and your past partners, as you navigate the pain and gather the lessons.


Here are a few suggestions to level up your cleanse:
  1. Stop judging yourself and your past. Everybody’s doing the best they can. If it’s not good enough, the changes must come from you and your expectations.
  2. Stop thinking and acting like the answers to your question lie with other people. The only person whose actions, reactions, and thoughts you can control are yours.
  3. Don’t become the emotions. Feel the regret, but don’t become regretful. You may feel the betrayal, but don’t become the betrayed. Connect and feel the anger, but don’t become angry.

Once you become what you feel, you’re no longer talking about resolving the emotions that have hurt and stalled you. Now you’re talking about changing the emotions you’ve built an identity around, which is a much harder clean-up.

If you’re sick of feeling mired in the emotional mud of your past, it’s time to declutter your love life and make space for the love you crave.  Follow this link to download my free workbook of reflective exercises to help you clean up the emotional gunk that’s got you stuck.

Expect Great Things!