“I feel like I failed. I thought I knew what he wanted, but I didn’t really know him at all. How can I trust anyone, or even myself, again?” These are the heart-tugging words uttered by one of my recent clients.
Divorce, or ending any meaningful relationship, can leave you feeling blindsided, empty, broken, and hopeless, especially if you thought you had found the love of your life. This is not the fairytale ending you had imagined. What if, however, the end of that relationship becomes the beginning of the best relationship you will ever have? This is a new kind of story, and it is not a fairytale. This is the real-life tale of how YOU Are Your Greatest Love Story.
Learning to Become Your Greatest Love Story
Once upon a time, a beautiful little girl was born filled to overflowing with the most important gift that she needed to be happy in life, the ability to love and be loved. All her parents wanted was her happiness, but, like most parents, they saw danger and fear of what could go wrong at every turn. So, to protect her, they started teaching her the “rules” that would keep her safe; don’t do “this”, make sure you do “that,” be more like this one, try to look like that one, always be good, try to be perfect, stay safe, stay safe, stay safe.
The Rules
By the time she was 11, the little girl had learned most of the rules. The rest she would learn by what she felt were her “failures”, by comparing herself to others and finding herself wanting, by the impossible standards held up by her culture as to what she “should” be aspiring. All the rules took up so much space that her love had to shrink smaller and make itself flatter until finally there was hardly enough left to give to herself. She learned to use what little love was left to give to others and make sure they were happy. The only way she knew to get more love was to look to others to tell her she was lovable, worthy, deserving, and no matter who told her, she never quite felt like she was enough.
One day, the love light from her closest relationship switched off! Suddenly, she plunged into darkness. Little did she know, this was the start of her greatest love story. She pushed back against the “shoulds” and “don’ts” and made room for her seed of love to take root and grow. She learned to shine her love-light from within and grow that seed so big and full that it burst forth from her and shined on everyone she would meet.
How did she do it?
The girl, now a woman, took a long look at herself in the mirror, celebrated her strengths, and was honest about her flaws. She decided to love it all, realizing that nobody is perfect. What makes her unique, both the wanted and the unwanted, is what makes her perfectly imperfect, and that is something to celebrate.
As time passed, she imagined all the possibilities of what her life could become and started to support her wellbeing in countless ways. She hugged herself daily, spoke lovingly to and about herself, and reminded herself that life was unfolding just as it should. All that happened in the past brought her to this moment. She understood that the challenges she faced were opportunities to deepen and grow, which happened for her highest good, not to make her feel small. She accepted the lessons each relationship offered and recognized that the relationship was complete when there was no more to learn. Perhaps there was sadness, but she no longer felt a sense of loss or lack, secure in the relationship she developed with herself. She felt joyful from her love with family and friends that she gave with no strings attached.
With her heart full of compassion and love, she allowed herself to expect all the best things life offers and set about making them so. She set time aside daily to sit quietly, hands over her heart, reminding herself that she is loved, she is enough, and she is perfect just as she is. Soon she realized that she had indeed found her greatest love story.
The Beginning.
Lauren Yellin Weinberg, MS, NBC-HWC
As The Becoming Coach, Lauren empowers her clients to become more confident, calm, and connected and to architect the wildly wonderful life they have always imagined. A National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and a Certified Happiness Coach, with a background as a psychologist and family therapist, she is committed to a whole-person, empirically-based process that creates lasting mindset and wellbeing changes. Her transformational coaching is designed to accelerate and support personal and professional success while inspiring her clients to fall in love with who they are becoming.
Lauren is also a thought partner for solopreneurs and she is an expert for Living Healthy List.
Find out more at lastingchangewellness.com or email directly at lastingchangecoach@gmail.com Follow on FB @lastingchangewellness; on IG @lastingchangecoach and on LinkedIn @LaurenYellinWeinberg