Anyone who knows me knows that one of my favorite sayings is, “Where Your Mind Goes Your Butt Follows.” It’s clear, concise, and action-oriented. Action follows thought.

This idea applies to everything from making your dreams come true to creating a rip-roaring, passion-filled sex life. Because as the little cartoon above illustrates, brain and heart are your two biggest sex organs, though most of us mistake the other ‘stuff’ as the only ‘parts’ that count.

So if you really want to amp up your sex life, it’s time to wake up your sexy mind because once you turn on your brain, the rest of the equipment is sure to rev up, or as I like to put it, “Sexy starts in your head. Where it ends is what makes your body smile.”

Shaken and Stirred

See, the thing is, thinking sexy when you’re in a new relationship is easy. In fact, when there’s someone new you find attractive, keeping sex OFF your brain is damn near impossible. Mother Nature kicks your body into hormonal overdrive and you exude chemicals like phenylethylamine, which, more potent than a Cosmo, mixes with other pheromones and such to create a potent hormonal cocktail that creates a natural lover’s high. Think about it: when you feel sexy, the sun shines brighter, flowers seem more fragrant and beautiful, and that drugstore chocolate that tasted slightly waxy yesterday, today tastes downright orgasmic! It’s this hormonal cocktail that attracts you to and bonds you with your new lover, it’s what makes you feel deliciously off-balance, heady, giddy and hot, hot, hot!

But what Mother Nature giveth, she also taketh away. In the average relationship, this romantic space has an expiration date that comes far too soon for most of us. One day you wake up and realize that those habits you once thought of as cute and endearing have become irritating. Suddenly he’s not so perfect and the sex god he once was has turned into an annoying slob. Combine that with the stress and rush of kids, work, and the details of day-to-day life and before you know it, sex has become something you do. You slip into a state of sexual neutrality—you’re not necessarily in the mood for sex, but you can get there if you have/need/want to.


To Cave or to Crave?

This can be a critical point for a lot of women when it comes to how they approach and live their sex lives. Once the buzz of new romance wears off, and your brain is no longer continually filled with sex thoughts you actually stop thinking about yourself as sensual, sexual beings. Stilettos are traded in for sneakers, sensible undies replace lingerie and all the things that once made up your natural seduction kit are relegated to props for designated romantic celebrations.

And this is exactly why keeping sex on the brain is so vital to your sexual vitality. Like those Jimmy Choo’s you can’t get off your mind—the more you think about something, the more you HAVE to have it. Sex is no different.

Your Sexy Mind

Thinking about sex does not have to interfere with your daily life but instead will enhance everything. A sexy mind keeps you feeling fully alive. It keeps you ready to make love on the fly instead of falling into the dreaded appointment sex category. Also, it puts your partner on notice that you are a sensual, exciting woman. You put him where you want him and keeps him there…waiting and wanting YOU.

If this is what you want, try these four tips for reinvigorating your sexy mind. I’ve gathered them up from various sources and have tried them all. They worked for me and many folks I’ve recommended them to. Hopefully, they’ll help put sex back on your brain too.


  1. Never underestimate the seductive power of the written word.

One study showed that women who read romantic fiction have better sex lives than those who don’t (I have a few titles to suggest!). Also, keep an open mind about erotica, which is an entirely different animal than pornography. It’s really a matter of personal taste but erotica can be quite enjoyable and titillating and will go along way in putting you in a sexy state of mind.  Of course, if you’re more visual, there are plenty of outlets for you to get your peek on.

2. Keep thinking sexy thoughts.

Fantasizing about Idris Elba or Brad Pitt or the guy with the amazing tight end you found yourself gazing upon in the elevator is not a bad thing. The joy of a pleasurable ‘mind job” is that you don’t have to be responsible, reasonable or safe for that matter. Let your mind be a sexy playground where you can fulfill every side of your sexual self—even the freaky side which will probably never see the light of day but can be some serious fuel to keep that lusty fire burning.

3. Stay away from negative thoughts about sex.

Parents, pastors, and past experiences may have helped form your opinions about sex, and truth be told, they may not be YOUR opinions. Negative ideas, those that seem to fight with your authentic sexual desires, need to be looked at and challenged on the regular. If you don’t, you’ll continue to believe that ‘nice girls don’t enjoy sex’ or “sex is your duty’ or “wanting sex makes you a slut.” Reprogram your brain to understand that your feminine confidence (i.e. sexual confidence), vitality and fulfillment are CRUCIAL to your existence as a fully alive, fully realized woman. And because your sexual turn-ons are as individual as your fingerprints, what entity has the right to judge your desires?

4. Think like a man.

Ask yourself: Why do guys want to have sex all the time? And we all know the answer to that question: Because they think about it all the time. For example, a man will use an elevator ride as an opportunity for some erotic sight-seeing. He spots a great butt and immediately fantasizes about giving it a firm squeeze. A woman spots a nice tush, sneaks a quick glance, and then goes back to her to-do list for the day.

Now I ask you: Isn’t it time for you to start thinking more like a man?

Wake up that sexy mind and get to know your inner sexiness. We’re all so consumed with the condition of our bodies we’re neglecting the biggest turn-on of all.

Read more about love, sex, and relationships here.




Hi, I’m Lori Certified Spiritual Love Coach, Author, Confidence Peddler, Angel Scribe, Irreverent Spiritualist, Girl Power Advocate, Love Connoisseur, Sun Lover, Cloud Watcher, Founder, SOL Innovations Coaching Group, The SOLSexy Transformation program and Proud Mom. That’s me, but here’s my official bio:

Lori is a fierce advocate for self-love and the positive ripple effect it has on the larger world. She is an intuitive life/spiritual coach, certified by the International Coach Federation (ICF), author, speaker, and teacher who specializes in 1:1 life coaching centered around self-love and soul alignment. She is also a transformational coach with We Inspire Justice, a social impact group who works with celebrities, influencers and content providers to promote equality, diversity and social justice within the entertainment industry and beyond.

Lori is an Emmy award-winning writer, and author of eight books, and is currently working on her ninth. She is a passionate and motivating speaker who has facilitated workshops all over the country and in Mexico. She is the Health and Wellness Director for the Life Luxe Jazz Festival and is responsible for the creative development and execution of the two-day programming centered around financial, physical, and emotional wellness for POC. She is a founding expert and programming chair of the Living Healthy List, an online source for honest and reliable information of health, wellness, personal development.

Her motto: True Masters Learn through Joy