Definition of Intercourse aka Sex: “When some guy parks his car in your garage.”
When I was 13, that was the definition that helped me finally graphically understand what was being discussed in the sex-ed class. That definition was delivered by the 13-year-old boy who lived across the street as we sat on the curb in front of my house looking at his older brother’s Playboy magazine. The sex education class at my Catholic school was all girls and was taught by an embarrassed, celibate priest. It was much like having a blind man teach you how to drive!
That was in the ’60s. I’m not sure how or when sex ed is being taught today. I know that my kids knew more about the subject at 13 than I did and probably still do. (Actually, they knew a lot more at 13 than I did.) Little did I know then that if you do it right, having intercourse, or making love, (which I consider two different things), involves a lot more than just the ‘car’ and the ‘garage’.
Changes in Attitudes
Luckily for the women of today, attitudes and education on the subject of sex have evolved. Today we have a better understanding of our bodies, our needs, our wants, and our rights. Such as the right to enjoy the process and with whom you engage. The taboos we have long held around the physical act of having sex are lessening. Women today are claiming their rights to better dictate their sex lives. It’s about time.
Yet wouldn’t it be easier if our relationship with sex just stopped there? If, like our animal counterparts, it was a straightforward natural action. Engagement just for the simple purpose of preservation of the species. Of course, we’re human. So, it’s not that simple. While we do possess the basic animal instinct for preservation, we add the additional components of free will and our emotions.
Sex and Our Emotions
Our emotions regarding sex are just like every emotion we have. They are generated from our belief system. Our belief system is influenced by our programming. Our programming is influenced by our environment, including the belief systems of all the people in it.
As we mature from a child to an adult, we form beliefs about who and what we are based on this programming. Included in the programming are our beliefs around sex, love, and relationships. When we engage in a physical/romantic relationship, we literally take these beliefs to bed with us. If you have a healthy understanding and belief system of who you are and who your partner is, things can be quite enjoyable. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen in a physical relationship, at least not right away.
As each of us has our own set of beliefs, we see and experience the world differently. Every person has different expectations and desires. This means that in a relationship, both partners probably begin with different understandings and expectations. These beliefs, understanding, and expectations contribute to the whole experience. So, while you have no control over your partner’s belief systems, you do have control over yours.
Below are some questions for you to entertain that may result in improving not only your sex life but your relationship with the partner in which you choose to engage.
Answer these questions honestly and without judgment
1) Review your beliefs around your right to have a healthy and happy sex life. Is it tainted with beliefs of shame and/or lack of understanding?
2) Are you reticent to communicate to your partner what you need or what your expectations are?
3) Do you find yourself accepting or expecting ‘less than’ because of feelings of unworthiness or deserving?
4) Are you holding back because of body shame?
5) Are any of the beliefs you hold stopping you from experiencing a healthy and happy physical relationship?
The Human Experience
Like many things in life, sex is one of the many gifts of being human. No, we are not like our animal counterparts. In our coupling, we bring not only emotions but all of our human senses. Whether you’re engaged in a one-night stand or an experience that is worthy of the next edition of the Kama Sutra, sex is part of the human experience. If it is diminished with beliefs of shame, less-than, misunderstanding, or anything else, we end up feeling a sense of lack and disappointment.
Do not despair nor punish yourself. Know that millions of us have been there at one time or another. Luckily you can address the areas that need enlightenment and/or reprogramming through education, communication, and/or the replacement of limiting beliefs.
Education and information are readily available for your use. If you determine that your experiences are less than stellar because of your beliefs, you’re not saddled with having to keep those beliefs for the rest of your life. You can choose to change them through processes such as PSYCH-K® and other methods.
Through your understanding and compassion for yourself, you come into a relationship more prepared for a satisfying experience. You also find that through this understanding and compassion, you naturally extend those same gifts to your partner. In doing so, you become a more compassionate and giving lover, creating a more fulfilling experience, not just an experience of ‘… parking a car in your garage…’.
So allow yourself the freedom to enjoy yourself. If done right, sex is meant to be a gift to yourself and your partner.
Oh, the animals will never know what they are missing!
Linda Minnick is a certified life coach, PSYCH-K© Health and Wellness facilitator, motivational speaker, author, certified sales trainer, and entrepreneur. She has been involved in coaching and training for over 30 years and has presented training programs on national stages across the country.
Linda received her certification from the Life Mastery Institute. As a true believer and practitioner of transformational thinking, Linda presents the power of creating your own life in various fashions to individuals and groups.
Along with PSYCH-K© and her coaching, Linda is also trained in Reiki, Inner Speak™, 7 Rays and Ho ‘oponopono, and basic Pranic healing. She is also a certified card reader. She works with individuals looking for support in their personal and professional Transformation.
Linda’s quest is to help as many people as possible in understanding the power they hold within themselves to create the lives and eh success that they truly desire and deserve, and hopeful, in the process, to discover the connection with the Infinite and the rest of Creation. It has been her honor to support hundreds of clients over the years on their own quests.
Check out Linda on this podcast: https://www.ayrial.com/rewire-your-thinking/