Is this you? It’s a Friday night and you’re exhausted from a long day and a long week. You get ready for bed and so does your spouse. You haven’t talked about intimacy, but it’s Friday night, and that’s what you usually do. So you climb into bed, turn to your partner, go through the same old motions, and then turn over to go to sleep. Things are comfortable, but also, well, boring.

 How can you keep from getting bored in the bedroom?

The # 1 strategy I’ve seen help the couples I work with for natural family planning is increasing communication around intimacy. Are you talking about what feels good and what doesn’t? Are you talking about what makes you feel closest to each other?

Intimacy is not just being physical. Consider emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual aspects of intimacy. How are you connecting outside of the bedroom too?

When a couple chooses to use natural family planning, they have to communicate. They have to decide together if they are using the method for avoiding or achieving pregnancy. Then, the woman needs to communicate when she notices her natural signs of fertility and the couple needs to decide what that means for their intimacy. Will they choose physical intimacy or non-physical intimacy that day?

What’s a Couple to Do?

A study published in the Journal of Nursing Scholarship surveyed couples who were currently using or had used natural family planning methods. 74% of respondents made positive comments about using these methods as a couple, with responses in categories such as deepened relationship, appreciated sexuality, and learned other lovemaking.

To avoid pregnancy, these couples chose to be abstinent on days identified as fertile. “As respondents described periods of abstinence, many emphasized enlightenment as they discovered other ways to experience intimacy, such as hugging and talking.” As the article describes, these couples found ways to form stronger connections to one another beyond the bedroom, and that led to positive results in the bedroom.


And the Survey Says…

Wives and husbands commented that abstinence enhanced their anticipation of sexual intercourse during infertile times, thus lessening the frustrations associated with abstinence while increasing their appreciation of their sexuality. They also reported that sexual intercourse and other intimate activities including foreplay had improved. Respondents also indicated that they were more open to discussing their sexual relationship with their spouses and had increased sexual activity.”

These couples not only experienced physical intimacy, but they also talked about it, and that led to increased intimacy.

This month, I challenge you to combat bedroom boredom by having a conversation with your spouse about your intimacy. Use the questions posed above – talk about what feels good and what helps you feel connected. Talk about physical and non-physical expressions of intimacy. Increase your communication and experience not only a relief from boredom but an enhanced relationship too.



1. “How to understand and build intimacy in every relationship.

2.“Couples’ views of the effects of natural family planning on marital dynamics.